I really love modern technology. It used to be that if you were horny and wanted to get a girl, you had to engage in various forms of socialization. You know, in public and stuff. It can be awkward.
And while I’ve certainly got nothing against the fresh air and healthy levels of vitamin D available only outside our front doors, I am gratified to live in a time when finding sex is but a few phone taps away for those in the know. We have the vanguard of the 21st-century sexual revolution, also known as Tinder, to thank for this.
RED ALERT: Everybody knows about Tinder, but it seems that few guys know how to get the really hot chicks on Tinder to agree to get carnal. Well, I know the popular hookup app like the back of my hand, and I’m going to reveal some serious tips in this post.
Compared with hitting the club or trolling parties, the relative ease of getting laid on Tinder is a real game-changer. This uncomplicated app allows you to set up a profile with descriptive text and a front picture (you can even import stuff directly from your Facebook account if you like), then brave the field and view profile images belonging to people of your preferred gender.
The means by which you express approval or disapproval of what you see on your phone’s touchscreen is so simple and to-the-point that it has become a cultural meme: Swipe right for Yes, swipe left for No.
Give the thumbs-up to someone who does the same for you, and you’ve got a “match”, and the two of you can now message each other. It’s like an incredibly simple, superficial dating website, with two important differences: First, people use it to find people who are DTF – Down To Fuck – not to be introduced to their lifelong soulmate. And second, it actually works.
The Truth About Getting Laid on Tinder
Unlike many dating sites, Tinder is full of real women, all of whom are ostensibly willing to at least consider meeting with us to have some fun. However, the onus remains on us, as the guys, to win them over, so it’s important for us to understand how to get laid on Tinder.
It shouldn’t surprise anyone to hear that every girl on the platform receives a mathematically infinite number of swipe-rights and messages per day. There is a lot of competition out there, my brothers, and that’s the bad news.
But saying there’s “a lot” of competition isn’t, by any stretch, equivalent to declaring that the competition is fierce. The competition is not fierce; most of the guys taking their shot on Tinder are aiming with all the masterful marksmanship of an Imperial stormtrooper. That’s the good news.
Luckily for those of us in the know, most of the guys on Tinder have absolutely no idea what they’re doing. So, competition is generally not the major problem when trying to get laid using Tinder.
It’s pathetic, bros. These dudes will front-end their profiles with snaps of their hard pecs, six-pack abs, or even the dreaded dick pic. Come on, people. Girls, as a rule, are a lot less visually oriented than we are. Most of them don’t actually enjoy looking at penises, even on men they already like.
Just because a bare chest or perfect booty (to say nothing of a peek between the thighs) on a female body gets us going, doesn’t mean those same regions will work for the ladies when seen on someone of the male persuasion. It isn’t the way to get laid on Tinder.
Now, with that said, your main pic is in fact the most important part of your Tinder profile – but not for the reason you think. While it certainly helps to be physically attractive, this has never been a prerequisite for men to find sex when hunting in real life, nor is it for getting laid on Tinder.
Don’t get caught up in the attractiveness dilemma. Women typically care far less about looks than men do, so there are ways around this issue that can boost your chances of scoring a hot girl.
No, compadres, the picture on your profile matters because it’s literally the first thing about you a girl will see, before she’s even decided whether to swipe right. You want to pack it with as much information about you (truthful or otherwise) as you can, and you want all that information to say “I’m an interesting guy and you should pay attention to me”.
Close-ups of your face or images of you sitting on a nondescript couch won’t work much better than the dick pics, I’m afraid. They’re all noob mistakes, because they’re wasted opportunities.
Similar is the sad fact that one of my favorite tactics outside of Tinder, the use of preselection – showing a woman that other females enjoy being around you so she’ll have the same inclination – won’t work for us here. Preselection is devastating on Facebook or other mundane social media, but it’s not how you hookup on Tinder.
The proven tactic of “preselection” is unfortunately almost useless on Tinder, due to the way the platform works.
Trust me, bros, plenty of guys are using pictures of themselves with their arms around two girls for their profile, and they all think they’re being clever. They’re not. Women here are already expecting us to try to make ourselves look sexually appealing. Their defenses are tuned for it, so they’re just going to roll their eyes in exasperation when they see us playing such an obvious mind game. We need to be more original than that.
How To Get Laid Using Advanced Tinder Tactics
The correct strategy for getting laid on Tinder comes to us from the wisdom of Sun Tzu: Strike your adversary where her guard isn’t up. Don’t put anything overtly or even subtly sexual in your profile picture. Instead, use the image to communicate something about your interests.
Do you play the flute? Then that’s what you’re doing in the picture. Do you hike? It’s you in the great outdoors. You get the idea. You’re going to be seen by vast numbers of women, and those who share your passion for the activity (or even just find it interesting) will be intrigued.
Also, try to throw in a few easy guesses on things that women like. Nearly all of them love dogs, so you can’t go wrong by tenderly holding a puppy in the picture. Likewise, they can’t help but be attracted to good fathers, so you can always try cradling a baby. Just be careful there in that you don’t imply the baby is actually yours. Having the kid’s parents standing in the background is a good way around this, so long as there’s no mistaking which guy in the image is you.
Alright, so you’re right-swiped. Major hurdle cleared. But to know how to get laid on Tinder, you need to know how to get a girl to actually respond to your messages. Remember, she’s drowning in attention. Why should she pay us any special mind?
Because we’re going to grab her eyes, and we’re not going to let go. This starts right at the very first message you send her; if it’s going to consist of nothing more than “hey”, you have my blessing to give up right now and order a sex doll. Not gonna work. You need to put something in there that makes her stop as she’s scrolling down her mile-long list of match greetings.
Contrary to popular belief in the bro community, saying “Hey” to a girl on your first approach DOES NOT exactly make her crazy to hear more from you.
A clever idea I once saw is to send the girl a picture of yourself in black and white, with the attached message, “Guess what color my shirt is?” It’s dubious whether the question is even possible to answer, but the challenge will probably be enough to get her to open your message, enlarge the picture, and start comparing shades of gray. In which case, at the very least, we’ve succeeded in getting her to pay more attention to us than to everyone else.
Other options include sending her optical illusions, logical paradoxes, or anything else that’s likely to make her stop and think. The idea is to snare her on our message, so she’s more likely to respond. Once you’ve got her talking, the hard part is over.
Good luck, Tinder fiends!