Not having a girl is tough, man. I know, I’ve been there. You’re lonely, the only thing you want is not to be lonely, and yet you try and you try and meet nothing but failure. Then you get to go out, alone, and see all the happy couples around you, some of them hitting the PDA so hard, it would be classified as abuse, if PDA were a person. At times it can feel like the game is rigged against you, personally: why else would everyone else get to have a partner, while you don’t?
RED ALERT: The “Incel” phenomenon has been in the news a lot, lately, so I thought I’d take a peek at what’s going on with these dudes who can’t seem to get any love. I also reveal a surprising solution for those afflicted with involuntary celibacy.
But an internet subculture called “incels” has taken that misery to a whole new level, bonding over their shared inability to find love. Let’s take a look at these people: what an incel is, why incel dating is so hard, and what incels can do to get out of a truly horrible situation.
What In All Hairy Balls Is an “Incel?”
“Incel” is shorthand for “involuntarily celibate”, a self-applied moniker describing people who want a romantic or sexual partner but cannot find one. They stand in contrast to “volcels”, the “voluntarily celibate” folks who, whatever their reasons, choose not to wet the ol’ dipstick.
More: Dating Advice for Nerds
As you may or may not have guessed, incels are almost exclusively heterosexual males. They’ve come together to form their own online community, and it’s a pretty creepy place, characterized by rampant sadness, misogyny, and more than a little resentment. They enjoy talking about, and sometimes engaging in, suicide. In a few rare cases, incels have taken a few others with them on their way out.
Incels imagine an archetype of a sexually successful man, whom they call “Chad”. Chad is a financially well-off, classic bodybuilder alpha male type who is the reason for all of their problems. In addition to his winning personality, he also enjoys privileges for which he cannot reasonably claim credit, such as the fact that he is tall, has good hair, and can stand with impeccable masculine straightness due to his perfect spine.
As a result of these advantages, Chad can and does have every woman he wants, leaving virtually nothing for everyone else. If you put Chad in a room with 49 incels and 50 beautiful women, he would bone all the girls before any of the incels could score a date with even one. Suffice it to say, incels don’t exactly adore Chads. Incels also hate hot-looking women (called “Stacys”), feminists, and for some reason, women with average looks who post nude pictures of themselves online (often called “Beckys”).
It’s hard for me to shake the feeling that the existence of this subculture is a huge negative for those who participate in it. While they swear that it’s therapeutic, I don’t think they realize the psychological toll this flavor of tribal identity takes on them. By definition, incels and dating don’t mix. If an incel were somehow to overcome Chad, the feminist conspiracy, or whatever else he and his comrades believe is holding him back and actually get a romp with a hot girl, he could not very well call himself an incel any longer.
The incel subculture relies on members remaining celibate, so any attempt to improve one’s situation dating-wise is strongly discouraged.
That, of course, could have disastrous consequences for any friendships and meaningful connections he has made within that community. On some level, he surely knows this, giving him a powerful incentive to perpetuate his loneliness. When you allow yourself to be at least partially defined by membership in a group whose existence is dedicated to the fact of not having something you desperately want, you are only ensuring that you will never get that thing by psyching yourself out against it.
In addition to this toxic culture, incels aren’t doing themselves any favors in the attitude department, either. As I indicated, it’s a feature of their group consciousness that all of their romantic and sexual troubles are caused by other people and external influences. And the funny thing about letting yourself blame others for what’s wrong with your life is that it gets you out of having to blame yourself.
I’m not saying that some incels don’t have it rough: many of them suffer from depression, social anxiety disorders, fugliness (to which I can personally relate) or other special challenges that make interacting with women particularly difficult for them. But if you won’t take responsibility for your own situation, if you won’t even try to improve it, then you definitely have nothing to look forward to but continued wallowing in your own misery forever.
There are tons of legitimate reasons one might find himself involuntarily celibate, but placing blame on others is basically just a way of not dealing with the real problem.
Regardless, the vast majority of incel dating problems aren’t caused by any unusual circumstances, but by that tried and true bogeyman that most typically keeps men from getting women: lack of confidence. If you don’t believe me when I say that most men who complain about having trouble with the opposite sex simply lack confidence, you’re just plain wrong. I’ve seen it proven time and time again. It’s no different with incels and dating.
Scoring dates means selling yourself as an in-control, got-it-together dude who knows what he wants and knows how to get it. Those who choose to associate with this gentleman are doing themselves a solid above all, and those who don’t are cheating themselves, such that the rejected man has no personal need to let it trouble him. In the end, it doesn’t matter what your job is, where you live, or even what you look like; this attitude is what women eat up like a cheesecake on their diet’s cheat day. It’s simply irresistible.
The Incel Dating Solution Nobody Knows About
I’ll admit that once upon a time, you had to put yourself in some truly awkward situations, such as clubs and bars, to try this. Nowadays, though, the miracle of modern technology has made incel dating far easier and more convenient. So, if YOU happen to be an unlucky incel chap, listen up to the serious nookie wisdom I’m about to lay down here.
I mentioned modern technology can be used to solve your incel woes, but no, I’m not talking about dating sites; the female-to-male ratios on those networks are terrible, and you never know who you’re going to end up meeting even if you do find someone there. Plus, there’s no easy way to check the goods before they ship, so to say. You might find a hot blond on one of these sites, then discover she’s missing a nipple and has a c-section scar the length of the Titanic.
Nah, bro, I’m on about the camming sites now. It’s simple: you log on, pick a few girls you like (why limit yourself to just one?), and go at them. It may take some tips to get their attention (though, often, it doesn’t), but it’s a pittance compared to what you’d spend buying them dinner or paying their way on other real-life date activities.
The best part is that the distance and safety of the internet makes them comfortable enough that when they do start talking to you, it’s not an act. They’re perfectly happy to engage with you on a real human level, and see if the two of you can hit it off. The sites even help you streamline the process of making that happen, by letting you search for models with specific interests. Want a girl who’s into anime, video games, and comic books? She exists, and she’s probably camming. Just enter those three categories into the search field, and take your pick of the results.
On a cam site, you can literally find the girl of your dreams. You’ve got tons of hot females to choose from, and all you need is a little “game” to get them into you.
This goldmine of incel dating doesn’t all have to stay in a public chat room, either. Once you become a girl’s “regular,” she’ll be eager to do private shows for you, and potentially message you off-site or even give you her phone number. And when all goes well, real-life meetings between cam girls and men they first met as customers are extremely common and happen all the time (not many people know this, but I’m spilling some truth for you here).
I’m not saying this will happen with every girl you talk to on a cam site. With some, you’ll find that you just don’t get along. But there is always a never-ending supply of more prospects waiting to be tried. And while on your epic journey to find your perfect girl, you are sure to make plenty of hot friends whom you get to see naked along the way. This, my brother, is how incels and dating should go together. Cam sites are the perfect training ground any awkward incel can use in developing his “game” with hot women.
If you want to give this a shot, I recommend getting accounts on Chaturbate and MyFreeCams. Those are the biggest cam sites on the web right now, giving you access to the largest pool of models from English-speaking countries like the US, Australia, the Uk, Canada, and New Zealand.
You’ll need to focus on the new cam models, not the established ones who’ve been camming for months or years (they tend to be too professionally minded and too busy for much schmoozing). New girls are labeled “New Model” at both Chaturbate and MFC, so you’ll easily spot them. You can also use the site filters to list the new models right at the top of your screen.
Trust me, a bit of chit-chat with these girls, some private shows, some bonding over comic books and sexual kinks…well, let’s just say it will do wonders for your skills with hot girls. You’ll become more confident and more capable of actually approaching girls you like, online or off. And then, when you finally get to meetup with the cam girl of your dreams…
Don’t wallow in self-pity, my brother. I did that for years, and it was not excellent. Take life by the balls, and make it give you a fair shake. Apply some of these advanced “online game” tactics and go get ‘em!