Have you noticed how damn regulated we, as humans, insist on making our courtship customs? Date on your socio-economic level. Marry someone, or at least get to know them really well, before having sex. Have only one sexual partner at any given time. I swear, it’d be enough to require a college course in Romanceology if we didn’t already have the lessons drilled into us throughout childhood.
RED ALERT: I’m spilling the facts nobody else wants to talk about concerning the older man/younger woman dating universe.
I’m not saying we don’t set up varied (and usually arbitrary) rules of etiquette surrounding other matters, but sweet Thanos do we go HAM when it comes to love and sexuality. Yet for all the restrictions we place on what at first seems the relatively simple matter of two (or hell, more) people having fun together physically, few of our taboos are so strong as that against older men dating younger women.
The Stigma On Dating Younger Women
We’ve all seen it, bros. I know I have. At least in the West, we have a whole culture in place to shame and ridicule guys who date below their age demographic. Books, movies, and other forms of fiction even give us the helpful archetype of the old dude of 60 with gray hair wearing a hot young 20-something on his arm like an extension of his fancy business suit.
What do we know about him before the author has said a single word regarding his character? He’s shallow and uncontemplative, a rich guy whose money and power have left him unable to look past the surface. If he’s not slow-witted, then he’s malevolent and probably one of the story’s bad guys. Above all, he’s a creep, dating a woman “young enough to be his daughter”, as if that description somehow morally condemns him even if he and his girlfriend are both adults.
And while the male half of this couple traditionally receives the brunt of the narrative’s judgment, the girl isn’t entirely spared either. She’s to be considered vapid, spoiled, and probably a dumb bimbo, all for the crime of dating older men.
Men and women are scorned by society for engaging in behavior that’s perfectly valid and logical, from an evolutionary perspective.
Now can we please take a moment to note that it hasn’t always been that way? In fact, this culture of heaping shame on older men dating younger women (and vice versa) is a pretty recent invention. In most societies at most times in history, large age gaps within couples have not only been tolerated, they’ve been the norm. In many eras and places, it would have been strange to see people marrying if near one another in age. Personally, I don’t find this hard to understand.
Sorry, PC brigade, but it seems to be bred into our species by evolution for women to desire men who control the most resources, while men use heightened ambition (fueled by greater levels of testosterone) to acquire those resources. Meanwhile, dudes value physical beauty, which is usually strongest in a woman’s youth. Men dating younger women and women dating older men just works, on a biological level.
Older Men and The Sugar Daddy Phenomenon
Bros, I’m happy to say that this ridiculous historical aberration of insisting that couples be close in age is waning in our culture. I see it all over media, but I think it’s made most apparent by the rise of sugaring. If you guys haven’t heard, this is a relationship paradigm in which (most typically) young women in their 20s or 30s date men 60 or older, with the understanding that the men will lavish gifts upon them and even give them a cash “allowance”.
The sugar daddy/sugar baby dating scene has pretty much exploded in the last couple decades, fueled chiefly by the internet. And it’s becoming more and more acceptable as time goes on.
Women who do this are called sugar babies, and the men are sugar daddies. The idea has been around for at least a hundred years, although really, it just represents a return to traditional dating practices. It’s been catching on like wildfire lately, thanks largely to online “sugar meet” sites like Seeking.com. Guys have also done really well finding sugar babies on cam sites (MyFreeCams.com is a good example), which is my preferred method.
Older men dating younger women has never been a big deal historically, and increasingly, it’s no big deal now. So to all my brothers out there who have been seasoned by time, I say, take heart! If a young, beautiful girl full of passion and energy sounds good to you, she’s not out of your range.
Your Strengths as An Older Man In The Dating World
In fact, your biggest obstacle is probably your own ingrained hesitation, because you’re in a fine position to make such a relationship happen. You have experience, wisdom, and probably finances that a prospective younger girlfriend lacks, and she’s predisposed to be attracted to these traits. Remember, it’s all evolutionary.
That’s an important point, and trust me when I say that keeping it in mind will help you find the girl you’re looking for. One of the biggest mistakes I’ve seen older guys make when pursuing younger girls is trying too hard to learn what’s “hip” among the “kids” these days, then dress in current youth fashions and start awkwardly spouting off forced pop culture references as a pick-up attempt. No, bro, no!
First of all, you are never going to understand modern youth culture as naturally and intimately as a young person does, and you’re more likely to make the girl think of you like she thinks of her weird uncle who “tries to be cool”. Not a good look.
Older men who date younger women should embrace the age gap as a positive thing. Be proud of what you’ve achieved in life, and offer that as your chief contribution to the relationship.
But second, and most importantly, have faith in your station! Show her the confident maturity of a man who’s taken his knocks, understands how the world works, and knows who he is. I promise you, this attitude will reach her on a much deeper level than talking about how much you love Beyonce ever could.
Instead of rambling on subjects you don’t really understand, try giving her a glimpse into your world. There are plenty of things a young girl in her 20s simply doesn’t have access to that you likely do, so tell her that. You want to be implicit rather than explicit on this, of course, but there are plenty of ways to do that. Food is a universal language, for instance, so offering her dinner at a fancy, expensive restaurant will almost certainly impress her.
Or mention an upscale shopping district you like to frequent (whether you actually do or not), and offer to take her there to “look around”. Get her something nice, within your budget. I’m not telling you to buy her off, here, I’m just pointing out that the attraction that leads to young women dating older men often come from the girl seeing that the man has more money than she does. Genuine affection naturally follows from there, just as it does when she’s initially attracted by a hard set of abs in a guy her own age.
Whatever you do, don’t let yourself feel awkward or embarrassed for going out with a younger girl. You’re just playing the game the way it’s always been played, and the more sensible way to play it from an evolutionary perspective.
Likewise, if someone you fancy ever raises her own discomfort about the age gap, you look that sweet young thing right in the eye, give her your manliest grin, and declare “It’s not a big deal.” Because it’s not. And then you live that reality, bro. You stick to your guns and you never doubt yourself or your relationship with your girlfriend. You’ll find that when you show that kind of confidence, she won’t have occasion to doubt you, either.