I remember reading a long time ago that the number one most common fear among people is acrophobia, or the fear of heights. Coming in at a close second was glossophobia, more typically known as fear of speaking in public. Considering the intensity with which evolution has trained us to disdain death and social ostracization, these are both natural and understandable fears.
RED ALERT: Every geek in the datingverse wants to know how to overcome approach anxiety, so in this post, I’m going to teach you guys exactly how to kill it dead.
But by exactly the same token, and without a shred of scientific data to back me up (other than personal observation), I’m going to confidently assert that while they may be rampant in the human population at large, stage fright and skyscraper rooftops have got nothing on what really scares the male half of the species. For that hellish horror, I’m coining the term “THOTophobia”, and declaring that simple anxiety approaching girls is the true monster lurking in most guys’ closets.
I wouldn’t be much use to you if I sugarcoated this one, my brothers. Overcoming approach anxiety – that intense reluctance and fear you feel when you see a hot girl and begin seriously considering talking to her – is all the marbles.
You really do miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, and nothing keeps you from picking up that basketball quite like a good case of THOTophobia. If you want hot girls, be they to warm your bed for a night or hold your hand for a decade, you need to know how to overcome approach anxiety. We good and clear on this? Awesome, because this dragon most certainly can be slain, and I’m going to show you how.
What is Approach Anxiety?
To conquer a fear, one must first understand it, so let’s take a closer look at exactly what’s scaring us so much. Obviously, anxiety approaching girls is based on the fear of rejection. We’re afraid she’s going to say no. Worse yet, we’re afraid she’s going to make it painfully clear (for some reason) that she’s not interested, via such bizarre and bitchy behavior as publicly calling you out for the attempt, laughing at you, or otherwise ridiculing you in front of the world.
First of all, while women may do this all the time in your imagination, it virtually never happens in reality. But even if it were a regular occurrence, why should we care? Well, duh – it would be embarrassing. Okay, so what? Fear of embarrassment is ultimately fear of ostracization, the parent of another common phobia we were discussing a moment ago.
Historically, it’s been very important to avoid appearing weak, maladjusted, or otherwise inferior to our group; very likely they would come to view us as a liability, and either send us off into the wilderness or simply move on and forbid us to follow. At most times, both sentences carried a very high probability of death, so it’s easy to sympathize with this fear.
Even in our modern, civilized society, there are legitimate reasons to avoid some forms of embarrassment: make an ass of yourself often enough, in front of the right people, and you could lose your job, miss out on opportunities for professional advancement, or even wind up in prison. But what happens if a beautiful girl turns you down, however harshly? Other than her advertising to the world what a bitter, sadistic person she is (if she chooses to be a bitch about it), exactly nothing.
You aren’t going to lose your friends, you won’t be left defenseless in a dangerous place, and if you don’t make partner at the firm, it probably wasn’t in the cards even if Iris the Ice Queen hadn’t shown up. Get it? You’re jumping at your house settling in the middle of the night. There is, quite literally, nothing to be afraid of.
This is the very soul of how to overcome approach anxiety. The best players in this game aren’t the ones who never get rejected; they’re the ones who have experienced rejection enough to notice, just once, that they always seem to remain alive and ready to try again every time it happens.
There’s nothing like repetition when you need to overcome a fear. Professional therapists and counselors have known this for ages.
Overcoming approach anxiety, therefore, is something that happens naturally. The fear’s days are numbered from the first time you bring yourself to engage with a girl in public. Of course, having said that, your attitude plays a huge role in how long it can hold out. Hunt not with timidness and trepidation, but with confidence. Know your game, and apply it smoothly and consistently.
When you get shot down, and you will, remember that you are not an outnumbered swordsman on the battlefield, waiting to drop for the first arrow that pierces your heart. You’re more like a Vegas card counter; you may lose some bets, and some nights you may lose most or even all of them. But your method is scientifically solid, and with persistence, it is inevitable that you will win.
Overcoming Approach Anxiety is Easy Online
I’ve found that a great way to learn how to overcome approach anxiety is to practice online. When I first started working on my game, I talked to cam girls a lot, and nowadays it really helps me keep the technique sharp (on top of just being fun). Cam girls are perfect for this, because it’s so easy to get your foot in the door with them, and there are so many of them on the larger sites that you can never run out of prospects. This is an incredible resource and an extremely useful tool.
All you have to do once you find a cam girl you like is start tipping her; maybe $5 – $10 per day, a few times a week, for a couple of weeks. It doesn’t take longer than that with any of them. By then, the girl will think of you as a “regular”: she’ll perk up and be happy to see you when you enter her channel, and she’ll eagerly respond to anything you say in the public chat. She’ll also read and reply to any private messages you send her, and prioritize you if you ask for a private show.
This warm, welcoming attitude is all you need. You’re now free to try out your game on her, using any style you wish to hone or that you believe will be effective on her in particular. From there, the sky’s the limit: content yourself with a simple friendship, which is ridiculously easy to build and carries virtually no risk of failure, or go for broke and try to establish a deeper relationship (something that, make no mistake, happens on these sites all the time).
Sometimes you’ll get a no, but when that happens, you’ll find the Internet is a powerful shield. Her rejection will barely hurt at all, and what sting does exist will be well-salved by the knowledge that you can simply browse a virtually endless list to find your next target.
Rejection on the internet is fantastically easier to absorb than rejection in real life. After the first few times, it doesn’t sting even a little. Excellent training for the field.
The process is just fun, too. These girls are so friendly that even if the one you’re putting the moves on at any given moment turns out not to be looking for a partner, you’d have to try not to get a long-term buddy out of the deal. And, take it from me, friends of the opposite sex carry their own boons (mostly relating to the information they can give you about how women think), in addition to the fact that these are hot friends you get to see naked.
Do yourself a favor. Practice on the cam sites (Chaturbate and MyFreeCams are the biggest), and you’ll be sending that THOTophobia packing when you get to bars and parties before you know it.